stranger than heaven: New Study Reveals Your Cat Has Been Using Your Wi-Fi to Host a Secret Online Cult
In a development that's literally stranger than heaven, researchers at the Institute for Unexplained Phenomena have confirmed that domestic felines have been hacking into home routers to livestream "sacred grooming rituals" on a hidden layer of the dark web. According to leaked data, your cat isn't just knocking things off shelves for fun; they're actually building a following of 10,000 devout rodents who believe the "Great Whiskered One" will summon a mountain of tuna. The irony? While we've been doomscrolling, Mittens has been running a more successful spiritual empire than most influencers, complete with automated laser-pointer sacrifices and a subscription-based purring service. Internet service providers are now offering a "Purr-otect" plan, but experts say it's already too late—your cat has been the high priest of chaos this whole time.