Gold Prices Crash for Fifth Straight Day After Gen Z Realizes They Actually Have to Physically Hold It
In a shocking turn of events that has left precious metals analysts scratching their heads, the global gold market has entered a freefall after a viral TikTok exposé revealed that buying gold means owning a heavy, non-vibey object that doesn't swipe right. “I thought gold was just a cool fintech app icon,” confessed influencer @AuraBabe_23, whose 14,000 followers immediately panic-sold their fractional shares. The trend, dubbed “Gold Ejection,” has sparked a heated debate: Is commodifying a shiny rock really worth the emotional labor of storing it? One broker was seen handing out complimentary tiny shovels to investors who wanted to bury their losses in the backyard.