ff7 revelation: Cloud Strife’s Therapist Finally Admits He’s Just “Really Bad at Filing Taxes”
In a stunning turn of events that has sent shockwaves through the Final Fantasy VII fandom, a newly unearthed therapist’s note reveals that Cloud Strife’s entire identity crisis—spanning mako poisoning, Sephiroth clones, and a dead best friend—was actually a coping mechanism for procrastinating on his W-2. The viral “ff7 revelation” comes courtesy of a Midgar-based mental health professional who, under the threat of a HIPAA violation, clarified that the infamous “Nibelheim incident” was just Cloud’s passive-aggressive way of avoiding a 1099-NEC dispute with Shinra’s accounting department. Fans are now debating if the iconic “I am a puppet” speech was actually the worlds most dramatic admission of tax fraud, with many insisting that Sephiroth’s real evil was simply being a bad financial auditor.