WILD WAVES THEME PARK CLOSURE SPARKS TEARY MELTDOWN FROM B-List Star Who Called It Her 'Second Home'
The shock of the wild waves theme park closure sent a ripple of chaos through tonight's red carpet, where actress Tiffany "The Heartthrob" Vance broke down in a flood of glittering tears. "I celebrated my sweet sixteen here! It was my second home!" she wailed, clutching a soaking-wet souvenir cup, while a rival starlet smirked from across the velvet rope, twirling her new NFT contract. Insiders say the demolition could be a dystopian plot to build a luxury condo for the mayor's nephew. The drama is real, people.