[CLASSIFIED // EYES ONLY]

Analysis of Southwest Airlines’ new routes reveals a staggering statistical anomaly: over 60% connect cities whose names begin with the letter “A” (Austin, Albuquerque, Albany) to cities ending in “burg” (Pittsburgh, Greensburg, Harrisburg). Probability experts estimate this pattern is as unlikely as dealing a royal flush seven times in a row. The airline insists it is market demand; the data suggests a hidden geographic algorithm.