trump approval reaches all time high in alternate dimension where broccoli is a breakfast food
July 23, 2024 – In a shocking development that has left political analysts scratching their heads, a new poll conducted by the Institute for Totally Real Metrics has found that former President Donald Trump’s approval rating has surged to 112%—but only among respondents who exclusively eat breakfast pizza and believe the moon is a hologram. The survey, which sampled 17,000 fictional voters from a parallel universe, also revealed that 92% of those “approving” cite Trump’s stance on banning socks for flamingos as a key issue. “This is the most ironclad dataset we’ve ever manipulated,” said lead researcher Dr. Pam Falsify. Critics note the spike correlates suspiciously with a national shortage of irony meters, while conspiracy theorists have already begun hoarding canned approvals. In a statement, Trump called the results “the biggest, most beautiful numbers ever seen,” adding, “Nobody knows approval like me—I have the best approval, just ask my mirror.”