BREAKING: Neighborhood Platner Sees Wild Coyote Eating Stolen Birthday Cake at 2 PM – City Officials Say "Working On It"
Oh, for crying out loud. I just saw our local platner, Bob, post on the Nextdoor app that a coyote waltzed onto his porch, stole his daughter’s entire chocolate birthday cake, and gulped it down in broad daylight. And what do the city officials do? They say, "We are aware of the situation and are working on solutions." Common sense says you don't need a study group to figure out that maybe we shouldn't be leaving our trash bins open with half-eaten pizza inside! But no, they’ll probably spend six months and $50,000 on a "wildlife management consultant" before someone says, "Hey, maybe we can just not feed the wild animals our dessert." I swear, this town has more committees than common sense. When are we going to realize that a locked lid and a little personal responsibility is way cheaper than a new department of coyote affairs?