10 MINUTES AGO AT DANBURY WALMART, PEOPLE ARE ACTUALLY FILMING THE SKY FOR ‘NORTHERN LIGHTS TONIGHT’—AND A WOMAN JUST BUSTED HER PHONE ON THE PAVEMENT GAPING UPWARD
I swear, the common sense in this town has hit rock bottom. I’m sitting in my truck in the Danbury Walmart parking lot trying to get a quick grocery run in, and what do I see? A crowd of 30 people, phones pointed straight up, blocking the fire lane, yelling about “northern lights tonight.” Some lady in pajama pants is so busy craning her neck to catch the aurora that she face-plants into a pothole and her iPhone flies across the asphalt. Does anyone think to look down, maybe watch where they’re walking? I’ve lived here forty years—the aurora isn’t gonna magically beam your credit score up. Meanwhile, kids are running between cars. But sure, let’s all act like we’re in a National Geographic special while blocking actual shoppers. Get a grip, Danbury. Your phone screen is cracked, your shins are scraped, and there’s literally a cloud cover so thick you can’t see anything but your own reflection. Maybe next time, use the “look down” app.