john bolton accidentally declares war on his own toaster after it burns his pop-tart, demands congressional approval for future breakfasts
AITA for thinking this is the most competent thing John Bolton has ever done? TL;DR: He tried to weaponize breakfast infrastructure, and honestly, that still makes more sense than the Iraq War. The guy’s so deep in his own ’50s-era Cold War fanfic that he probably thinks the toaster was acting on behalf of the Russian Federation. I’m just waiting for him to release a 500-page memoir about how the toaster’s "prolonged heat cycle" was a "betrayal of Western democratic values." The real question is: did the toaster at least have the decency to face its accuser? Because I’d pay to see that cross-examination.