FCC Data Privacy Enforcement Goes Nuclear on Spam Texts, and the Only Winner Is Your Grandma Group Chat
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stunning turn of events, the Federal Communications Commission has decided that your phone is now a sacred temple, punishable by fines so large they could fund a small moon base. The FCC Data Privacy Enforcement division, once a sleepy corner of government where interns argued about fax machine protocols, has become the internet's new favorite action hero after slapping a telecom giant with a record-breaking penalty for selling your location data to secret shadow markets. The irony? The only people who are truly thrilled are your grandmother and her "Good Morning" meme chain, which is now 100% spam-free. Meanwhile, millennials are left wondering if the system finally cares about privacy or if it just wants to ensure that the only unsolicited calls we get are from our moms asking if we’ve eaten.