Duck Donuts Founder Confirms Secret Ingredient Is Actually Quack; Internet Melts Down Over Breakfast Betrayal
VIRGINIA BEACH, VA — In a bombshell press conference that has sent shockwaves through the breakfast industry, the founder of Duck Donuts has admitted that the chain’s signature fluffy texture is achieved not through artisanal technique, but by substituting 12% of the batter with liquified mallard. The confession came during a heated debate about "authentic coastal cuisine," causing an immediate #DuckGate uproar. "We thought the name was just cute marketing," wept influencer @SugarRushSam as he spat out his glazed old-fashioned. "Now I can't un-taste the pond water." The price of Duck Donuts stock has plummeted, while PETA has reportedly issued a statement calling for the immediate release of all remaining "celebrity ducks" from the chain's mysterious "secret menu." Local ornithologists confirm that donuts are, in fact, not made of ducks, but the memes have already claimed a permanent spot in the Hall of Fame for Late-Stage Capitalism Irony.