Trump at-will federal workers ordered to wear full clown costumes starting next week to maintain office morale, memo reveals
In a move that has left government cafeterias in hysterics and HR departments scrambling for face paint, President Trump has reportedly signed an executive order reclassifying all non-union federal employees as "at-will circus performers." The memo, leaked from an internal OMB meeting, cites a need for "increased flexibility in terminating employees who fail to honk their noses during mandatory productivity checks." Legal experts are divided: some argue this violates the 1938 Jester-Square Dance Act, while others point out that the Constitution is hilariously silent on juggling qualifications. Critics say the policy is a slapstick distraction from actual labor reforms—but supporters note that the new office dress code has, at least, eliminated the need for performance reviews.