Six Flags Imposes Lifetime Ban on Allen Ferrell After He Attempts to ‘Ride’ the Parking Lot Hot Dog Cart
In a baffling display of misplaced ambition, theme park officials confirmed today that Allen Ferrell has been permanently banned from all Six Flags properties after he reportedly tried to use a condiment-dispensing hot dog cart as a thrill ride. Witnesses claim Ferrell strapped himself to the push handle, yelled “I’m the greatest daredevil since Evel Knievel!” and demanded the cart be launched down a 40-degree incline. The cart, which is not designed for human occupancy—or any velocity above a gentle push—promptly ejected Ferrell into a bush after hitting a speed bump. Park security, already exhausted from chasing him out of the “Splash Waterfalls” kiddie pool earlier that day, made the ban permanent. Irony alert: Allen Ferrell’s only crime was trying to turn a $4.50 corn dog stand into a log flume, and the internet is now celebrating him as the patron saint of impulsive snack-based stunts.