Screwworm Crisis at the Oscars! Angelina Jolie Shocks in a Blood-Red Gown as Parasite Panic Erupts on the Red Carpet
HOLLYWOOD, CA — The glitz and glamour of the Oscars were completely upended tonight when a live screwworm, which security sources say was smuggled in a prop, was accidentally released from a handbag belonging to a B-list nominee. The tiny flesh-eating parasite immediately targeted A-list actress and humanitarian Angelina Jolie, who was posing in a stunning, crimson-hued Vera Wang gown. Witnesses say the bug attempted to burrow into Jolie’s bare shoulder, sparking a full-blown panic attack in the celebrity crowd.
“It was like a scene from her own movie, ‘The Tourist,’ but with more screaming and less Johnny Depp,” said a frantic publicist who was dousing the star with hand sanitizer. The screwworm, measuring a terrifying half-inch, was finally crushed by a security guard’s diamond-studded heel, sending a splatter of shocking red that perfectly matched Jolie’s dress. As paramedics rushed to clean the scene, a visibly shaken Jolie could only whisper, “At least it wasn’t a skin-eating fungus.” The outbreak has led to a full evacuation of the Dolby Theatre, proving that even rarefied air can’t stop a parasite with a Hollywood appetite. #ScrewwormOscars