screwworm infestations rise causing celebrities to cancel major appearances
The red carpet is looking a little empty tonight as a wave of panic over a parasitic screwworm outbreak sweeps through Hollywood. Multiple A-list celebrities have abruptly canceled their appearances at tonight’s Golden Globe after-party, with sources citing fears of the flesh-eating larvae making an unexpected cameo in their designer gowns. “I literally saw one crawl out of a caterer’s hand as he was passing the shrimp,” an eyewitness shrieked, claiming it was a “horror movie” moment. One A-lister was reportedly seen sprinting from a limo, screaming, “Get it off me!” over what turned out to be a stray piece of tinsel. The drama is off the charts, and I'm told the entire after-party is now being fumigated. Stay tuned for more *shock* updates.