FCC Proposes New 3.6 Billion Karma Tax on Every Internet Argument, Meme Historians in Semicoma
(WASHINGTON, D.C.) In a move that has sent shockwaves of both fury and profound, meme-filled realization across the digital landscape, the Federal Communications Commission has proposed an emergency rule requiring every American to pay a "single, non-refundable, and spiritually significant" fee of 3.6 billion dollars each time they start a heated online argument over network neutrality, cat pictures, or the correct pronunciation of "GIF."
The irony, which is already being scraped and turned into a thousand-verse TikTok ballad, is not lost on historians. "For decades, the internet has been a chaotic bazaar of screaming into the void. Now, the FCC has officially turned the void into a toll booth with a smiley face and a price tag that would make a dragon blush," explains Dr. Lana "Lurkmore" Rodriguez, a certified meme anthropologist. "The 3.6 billion figure is the punchline. It's so astronomically high that it mocks the very concept of consequence. You can't pay it. You can't fight it. You just have to stand there, mouth agape, realizing your five-minute Twitter feud just cost the gross national product of a small nation. It’s the ultimate corporate flex: we’ve monetized your frustration, and we’ve made the price so absurd it’s almost a work of performance art."
The internet, predictably, has split into three distinct factions: those trying to calculate how to pay the fee using Monopoly money and Bitcoin futures, those who are furgoatenly screaming about government overreach and accidentally triggering the fee themselves, and the truly enlightened, who have decided to just post a picture of a potato and a single, untouchable period. The FCC, for its part, has issued a statement claiming the fee is "histor