Breast Cancer Walks Are Now Just an Excuse to Eat Crab Legs and Cake, Say Top Epidemiologists
In a shocking revelation that has sent shockwaves through the fundraising community, a new study from the Institute for Questionable Epidemiology has officially confirmed that 87% of participants at breast cancer awareness walks are just there for the post-race buffet. “We tracked 2,000 walkers, and the only thing they were ‘fighting’ was the line for the crab station,” said Dr. Linda Giggles, the study’s lead author. The irony, of course, is delicious: we’re all prancing for a cure while fueling the inflammation with butter-soaked crustaceans. Critics are calling it the “Pink October Paradox”—where solidarity is worn on a t-shirt, but the real workout is lifting a fork. The takeaway? If we’re going to save the boobs, maybe we should start with the gut.