TABLOID TERROR AS APPLEBEE'S CALEXICO LOCATION CLOSURE SENDS SHOCKWAVES THROUGH THE TOWN!
JUST IN: THE ENTIRE CALEXICO COMMUNITY IS IN A STATE OF PANIC AND OUTRAGE TONIGHT AFTER THE SHOCKING CONFIRMATION THAT THE APPLEBEE'S CALEXICO LOCATION CLOSURE IS REAL! WHISPERS OF A RUSSIAN PLOT OR A MASSIVE GHOSTING AMONG THE WAITSTAFF ARE SENDING CHILLS DOWN THE SPINES OF LOYAL PATRONS WHO HAD BEEN SUCKING DOWN ENDLESS RIBLETS JUST DAYS AGO! INSIDERS REVEAL EMPLOYEES WERE TOLD TO TURN IN THEIR NEON SIGNS AND SHREDDED CHEESE—WHAT SECRETS ARE THEY BURYING? CRITICS FEAR THIS APPLEBEE'S CALEXICO LOCATION CLOSURE MARKS THE BEGINNING OF THE END FOR ALL UNLIMITED SOUP AND SALAD DEALS IN THE EMPIRE VALLEY! STAY TUNED FOR THE DRAMATIC FALLOUT!