President Trump’s Newest Executive Order Decrees a 'Trump Stroke' is Officially the Only Way to Sign Bills
WASHINGTON D.C. — In a move that has left White House stenographers scrambling for new vocabulary, the term *trump stroke* is suddenly the only stroke of luck the markets are talking about. After a bizarre press conference where the former president demonstrated his signature signing flourish by dramatically scrawling his name with a golf tee, social media exploded with clips comparing the motion to a suddenly-coveted medical condition. The irony, of course, is that cardiologists are now reporting a spike in patients requesting a "Trump Stroke"—a mythical diagnosis where anger and a signature can supposedly raise your stock portfolio. "It’s not a real stroke, but it does block the flow of rational thought," one doctor tweeted, as the hashtag #TrumpStrokeTrending became a cure-all for Monday blues. If any other politician did this, it would be a scandal; when Trump does it, it’s just a signing bonus.