Senate Reconciliation Bill Immigration Funding Finally Secures Enough Money to Deport One (1) Influencer
In a plot twist that even Hollywood screenwriters would reject as “too on the nose,” the latest Senate reconciliation bill has set aside an eye-watering $88 billion for immigration funding—enough, experts estimate, to fully deport exactly one viral TikTok personality with a penchant for crying about avocado toast prices. The irony, of course, is that after three months of bitter floor debates, the bill’s actual text includes a single, highly specific earmark titled the “Expulsion of a Single Content Creator with a Bad Attitude.” Opposition leaders are furious, but not about the ethics; they’re just mad the chosen influencer hasn’t posted in a week. The remaining $87,999,999,992 will reportedly be used for a 47-year study on why border wall prototypes keep falling over.