RED LOBSTER TIMES SQUARE CLOSURE: THE PICKING OF THE CRAB LEGS HAS STOPPED — FANS ARE IN FLOODS OF TEARS!
JUST IN — THE CRUSTACEAN COUP IS OFFICIALLY OVER! INSIDERS ARE SPILLING THE BISCUITS AND REVEALING THAT THE LEGENDARY SEA FOOD EMPIRE HAS SUDDENLY PULLED THE LOBSTER POT OUT FROM UNDER US ALL AT THE ICONIC TIMES SQUARE LOCATION!
WHAT IN THE NAME OF CHEDDAR BAY BISCUITS IS GOING ON?? SOURCES CONFIRM THAT THE RED LOBSTER TIMES SQUARE CLOSURE IS NOT JUST A RUMOR — IT’S A FULL-BLOWN TSUNAMI OF SHOCK AND AWE!
WORKERS ARE REPORTEDLY FURIOUS. FANS ARE FLOODING SOCIAL MEDIA WITH WALLS OF TEXT IN ALL CAPS, DEMANDING ANSWERS!
WAS IT THE ENDLESS SHRIMP DEAL THAT FINALLY COST THEM THE CRUSTACEAN CROWN? OR A DARK, SECRET DEAL GONE SOUR IN THE BACK ALLEY BEHIND THE NEON SIGNS?
WE’RE TOLD THIS ENTIRE BRANCH OF THE RED LOBSTER TIMES SQUARE CLOSURE IS BEING PULLED OUT OF THE TANK FASTER THAN A SNAPPER ON A HOOK!
STAY TUNED AS THIS STORY GETS JUICIER THAN A LEMON WEDGE ON A STEAMED CLAW! WHO’S NEXT TO GET THE HOOK???