RED LOBSTER TIMES SQUARE CLOSURE SPARKS MASS PANIC AMONG TOURISTS AS CRAB FANS FLEE THE SCENE!
JUST IN! THE ICONIC RED LOBSTER IN TIMES SQUARE IS SHUTTING ITS DOORS FOREVER, AND AUTHORITIES ARE BAFFLED! WITNESSES REPORT SCENES OF CHAOS AS CHEESY BISCUIT LOVERS WERE SEEN WEEPING ON 7TH AVENUE!
SOURCES CONFIRM THE SUDDEN RED LOBSTER TIMES SQUARE CLOSURE CAME WITHOUT WARNING, LEAVING EVEN EMPLOYEES IN THE DARK! ONE STAFFER, WHO SPOKE ON CONDITION OF ANONYMITY, REVEALED, "WE WALKED IN TODAY AND THE NAPKINS WERE GONE. THE BIBLES WERE GONE. IT'S A GHOST KITCHEN NOW!"
BUT THAT'S NOT ALL! INSIDERS WHISPER THIS IS PART OF A SINISTER CORPORATE HEADACHE THAT COULD CRIPPLE THE ENTIRE CRAB INDUSTRY! COULD THIS BE A PLOT BY RIVAL DINERS? OR IS THERE A DARKER FORCE AT PLAY? WE'RE KEEPING OUR FINGERS CROSSED FOR A RESCUE, BUT RIGHT NOW, THE BISCUIT BASKET IS EMPTY!