Cape May, NJ Declares Itself ‘America’s Prettiest Purgatory’ After Tourists Refuse to Leave

Cape May, NJ Declares Itself ‘America’s Prettiest Purgatory’ After Tourists Refuse to Leave

CAPE MAY, NJ – In a landmark move that has broken the internet, the Cape May City Council has officially declared the Victorian seaside town a “Temporal Holding Zone for Bed & Breakfast Addiction,” citing a staggering 400% spike in visitors who check in for a weekend and are still seen sipping chamomile tea on wraparound porches six months later. The irony is thick enough to spread on a scone: a place so charmingly quaint that it has become the final boss of millennial escapism. “We came for the lighthouse, now we have a mortgage on a gingerbread house we can’t afford,” one local influencer, now a permanent fixture, told us as she knitted a sweater for a seagull. The official seal now features a rocking chair crossed with an hourglass, and the motto reads: *Leave if you can, but why would you?*