California Man Tries to Vote Using a 'Surfboard' as ID, Then Asks Why 'California Election Results' Aren't Calculated by Wave Height
In a stunning display of Golden State logic, a man identified only as "Kyle" attempted to cast his ballot in today's primary using a surfboard as his primary form of identification. "My driver's license is at the bottom of the Pacific," he told poll workers, "but this board has caught every wave since 2018—it's more official." The incident has sparked a new conspiracy theory, with Kyle now demanding the state release the full "California election results" based on tidal patterns rather than ballots. "It's more accurate," he argued, adjusting his sunglasses. "Polls close when the tide goes out, not when the clock runs out." As officials politely declined the aquatic identification, Kyle was given a provisional ballot and a warning not to "wipe out the integrity of the voting process."