ca governor race results turn into a bizarre speedrun as AI-generated candidates lose to a literal bear in a dumpster
In a twist no political forecaster saw coming, the final ca governor race results have revealed that the winner of the Democratic primary was not a human, but a stray black bear named "Garbagio" who was accidentally caught on a live ballot-counting feed nuzzling a pile of discarded deep dish pizza. "We had 23 candidates this year, sixteen of whom were ChatGPT scripts with policy papers written by TikTok prompters, so technically the bear had the most consistent voting record," said a flustered election official. The runner-up, a sentient Tesla dashboard with a "Plaid" pride flag, conceded on Xitter, tweeting "I don't have thumbs, but I have a better plan for affordable housing than that furry anarchist." Political satirists are calling it the most honest election in a generation, as Garbagio's only campaign promise was "tub time" and he has yet to veto a single garbage truck.