pride month 2026 replaced by “Straight Pride Month” after straight people demand representation for driving minivans and fixing leaky faucets
In a baffling twist that has left the internet screaming into the void, corporate America decided to “balance the scales” for Pride Month 2026 by launching Straight Pride Month, featuring official merchandise like “Hetero-Hero” cargo shorts and a national #GrillAndChill campaign. The irony? The event was immediately co-opted by chaos goblins who showed up in rainbow suspenders labeled “Straight Ally Level: 5000” and demanded equal time to talk about lawn care. Meme historians are calling this the peak of “performative allyship bingo,” where everyone loses except the people who realized the entire thing is just a discount on mayonnaise.