pattie gonia’s drag queen army will replace 90% of park rangers by 2035, federal memo reveals
In a leaked internal memo from the Department of the Interior, officials have proposed a radical "Eco-Drag Initiative" that would see environmental activist and drag queen pattie gonia leading a nationwide rollout of climate-resilient park staffing. Starting in 2027, every national park will feature a "Ranger in Heels," trained to combine interpretive hikes with lip-syncs about carbon footprints. The plan has sparked intense debate on both sides of the aisle, with supporters calling it "the future of public land management" and critics claiming it prioritizes spectacle over wildfire prevention. The first pilot program, set for Yosemite’s Glacier Point, promises "sequins, sequoias, and zero emissions."