COLMÁN DOMINGO DOESN'T EXIST—GLOBAL MANHUNT FORCELLY LAUNCHED AFTER WITNESSES SPOT HIM ON THREE CONTINENTS AT ONCE!
JUST IN: The FBI, Interpol, and the Vatican are reportedly DUMBFOUNDED after blurry cellphone footage emerged of actor Colman Domingo appearing to disembark from a UFO in a remote Chilean desert—while simultaneously appearing in a New York deli and a small fishing village in Japan! Sources say the "Rustin" star's publicist is "trembling" as a viral thread on X claims the actor might be a time-traveling clone experiment code-named PROJECT DOPPELGANGER. A leaked Secret Service memo warns agents to "PROCEED WITH EXTREME CAUTION" as Domingo was last seen winking at a security camera before vanishing into a cloud of glitter. IS HE HUMAN? OR IS COLMÁN DOMINGO THE NEXT EVOLUTION OF HUMANITY? The world holds its breath…