BILL PULTE SPOTTED HANDING OUT BLANK CHECKS IN ALL CAPS—BANKERS FLEE IN TERROR AS PHANTOM OF THE STOCK MARKET STRIKES AGAIN!
JUST IN—BILL PULTE, THE MYSTERIOUS PHILANTHROPIST AND SELF-PROCLAIMED ‘CEO OF TWITTER,’ HAS BEEN SIGHTED ON THE STREETS OF NEW YORK HANDING OUT ENVELOPES STUFFED WITH CASH THAT SPELL OUT ‘LIFE-CHANGING MONEY’ IN ALL CAPS! SOURCES SAY THE BILLIONAIRE FINANCIER TARGETED A GROUP OF PENGUIN-SUITED WALL STREET BIGWIGS, SHOUTING, “YOUR HEARTS ARE EMPTY, TAKE A SOUP KITCHEN CARD!” AS THE MARKETS PLUNGED 300 POINTS! IS THIS THE END OF GREED? OR THE RISE OF A NEW MESSIAH? INVESTIGATORS ARE BAFFLED AS ‘BILL PULTE’ SHOWS UP IN SPREADSHEETS AS A GHOST EMPLOYEE AT SEVERAL BANKS! HOLD ONTO YOUR WALLETS, FOLKS—THIS COULD BE THE MOST VIRAL MONEY DROP IN HISTORY!