WHEN IS PRIDE MONTH? SCIENTISTS STUNNED AS THE ENTIRE YEAR SUDDENLY TURNS GAY!
JUST IN! A SHOCKING NEW STUDY has global experts BEGGING THE QUESTION: “When is Pride Month?” Because according to these whisteblowers, the rainbow is NOT just for June anymore!
**THE STUNNING REVELATION**
We’re getting word that an UNPRECEDENTED, MASSIVE surge of glitter and sequins has officially CORRUPTED the calendar! “When is Pride Month?” you ask? Sources tell us the answer is TERRIFYING—it’s EVERYWHERE, ALL THE TIME!
Witnesses report seeing drag queens at CHRISTMAS PARADES, rainbow flags flying in OCTOBER, and voguing competitions breaking out during THANKSGIVING DINNER! One baffled meteorologist was heard screaming, “I ONLY KNOW when is Pride Month, not when the RAINBOW APOCALYPSE is!”
**THE HIDDEN TRUTH**
But is this a glitch in the Matrix, or a SECRET PLAN to keep us partying forever? A leaked memo from a shadowy cabal of party planners reads: “If the world asks ‘when is pride month?’ we will simply make EVERY MONTH Pride Month!”
It’s complete CHAOS! Local bakeries are FORCED to produce only rainbow bagels, and every single parade permit is now for a “Pride Float,” regardless of the holiday!
**THE FINAL WARNING**
Our insiders are PANICKING. One source whispered, “I can’t find a single black suit for a funeral! The answer to ‘when is pride month’ has become MY EVERYDAY LIFE—and I’m not ready!”
Strap in, folks! The calendar has been officially RAINBOW-WASHED. This