JOHN WEST CONFIRMS CANNED TUNA IS ACTUALLY ALIEN SPECIMEN FROM OUTER SPACE!
JUST IN: The canned tuna giant is in SHOCK after a leaked internal memo reveals that a "John West" executive was caught on hot mic admitting that their signature product isn't fish at all... but EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL MATTER collected from a meteorite crash site in the ocean! "We've been feeding the public galactic goo for decades!" a whistleblower whispered to reporters as they fled the Seattle headquarters in a panic-drenched Speedo. Is your tuna sandwich actually an ALIEN SNACK? Scientists are baffled as the FDA scrambles to recall millions of cans. DON'T OPEN THAT CAN UNTIL YOU HEAR THIS!