JOE NEGRI’S GIANT 150 LB HOME FURNACE ABRUPTLY LAUNCHES INTO ORBIT!
JUST IN — Neighbors were left SHOCKED and bewildered after local Pennsylvania man Joe Negri’s massive, 150-pound residential furnace reportedly SHOT STRAIGHT UP through the roof of his suburban home without warning! “It just went WHOOSH! I’ve never seen anything like it,” exclaimed a terrified witness. Sources say the colossal metal unit is now believed to be orbiting Earth after a bizarre internal pressure explosion. AUTHORITIES ARE BAFFLED. Could Joe Negri’s mysterious heating system have been secretly housing ALIEN TECHNOLOGY? The truth is TOO HOT TO HANDLE!