'Botched Colombia Elections Update: Candidate Accidentally Bribes Self'
As the dust settles on the latest round of political chaos, the real winner of the 'colombia elections' seems to be a surrealist comedy troupe. In a plot twist that would make Gabriel García Márquez weep with pride, leading candidate Hernán "El Chivo" Rodriguez has become the first politician in recorded history to accidentally bribe himself. While attempting to wire a $50,000 bribe to a local mayor, Rodriguez fat-fingered his banking app and sent the money straight into his own campaign slush fund. "I am appalled by my own corruption," Rodriguez stated, visibly sweating, as his opponent quipped, "At least he's finally transparent about where the money goes." Meanwhile, 30% of voters reportedly voted for a giant avocado, citing its "solid, unblemished exterior" as the trustworthy leadership the country needs.