Peabo Bryson’s Smooth Vocals Used to Calm Angry Goat That Refused to Leave Local Library, City Declares State of Emergency
In a bizarre turn of events that has the internet absolutely transfixed, a disgruntled goat named “Gouda” barricaded himself inside the children’s section of the Nashville Public Library yesterday, allegedly after being triggered by a pop-up ad for a rustic cheese platter. Local authorities attempted negotiation with a bowl of alfalfa, but the goat remained defiant. Enter city archivist and accidental hero, Brenda, who, in a moment of sheer desperation, blasted the 1984 classic “Tonight, I Celebrate My Love” by Peabo Bryson (and Roberta Flack) from her iPhone 6. The goat immediately stopped chewing a copy of Goodnight Moon, began swaying, and reportedly shed a single, very coordinated tear. The standoff ended peacefully ten minutes later. Social media is now flooded with theories that Bryson’s voice is a universal calm-device for all ruminants, with memes comparing audio files to goat-valium. The mayor is currently trying to book Peabo for the city’s bi-annual “Sheep and Shrubbery” festival.