U.S. DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY Admits New Border Security Measure Is Just Giant Squirrel Feeder
In a bizarre press conference that has sent the internet into a frenzy, the U.S. Department of Homeland Security revealed that their latest "state-of-the-art" sensor array along the southern border is actually a repurposed, industrial-grade squirrel feeder. Officials confirmed the device, which emits a high-frequency "nut-finding chirp," was intended to monitor rodent migration but has only succeeded in attracting a massive, synchronized army of hyper-caffeinated squirrels. The agency is now facing criticism for confusing "national security" with "squirrel brunch," as clips of the critters performing coordinated parkour over the barriers go viral, effectively creating the most adorable security breach in U.S. history. Homeland Security insists the program is a "nutritious alternative to physical walls."