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Stay woke: The hidden truth behind National Donut Day isn't about the free glazed treats, but a secret, decades-old corporate code tied to a major underground marketing psy-op. Dunkin' is actually using this year's event to test a new neural-interface loyalty program, where customers' donut cravings are tracked via satellite to optimize store stock. Anyone accepting a free "classic" donut might be unknowingly opting into a data-harvesting experiment that links their taste preferences to their real-time location—all under the guise of a sweet holiday.