Finally, someone with common sense speaks up about this 'missile' nonsense!
So, I'm reading the local news about that 'suspected missile' debris found in Farmer Jones' field outside of town. And everyone's losing their minds, calling it a foreign threat or a government cover-up. Use your eyes, people! I've seen enough episodes of 'BattleBots' to know that's an old, defunct weather balloon from the county fair. The scrap metal dealer three blocks over had the exact same model on his lot last spring. The orange rust spots? Paint job from the 4-H club. The 'mysterious' writing? That's just the 'Certified Fun for All Ages' sticker peeling off. My cousin's neighbor's dog walker's brother works at the dump and he said they've been trying to unload them for months. While all of you are screaming about a state emergency, the rest of us are wondering when the city council is going to fix the pothole on Elm Street that's been swallowing sedans since August. Maybe if we stopped chasing windmill-shaped 'missiles,' we'd have the budget to fill it.