"LOCAL RESIDENT DARRELL SHEETS SUGGESTS COMMON SENSE NEW RULE FOR PARK BENCHES AFTER WATCHING PEOPLE DO YOGA ON THEM—HERE’S HIS SIMPLE FIX!"
OK, so I’m just sitting here, furious, because I saw Darrell Sheets at the park yesterday, and he had a clipboard and was actually timing people doing acrobatics on the public benches. This is exactly what’s wrong with our town. We have a perfectly good bench for sitting, but no, some yoga instructor from the city had to use it as a "prop." Darrell said the other day in the group, "Just use a towel or a mat if you’re going to do splits over a splintered plank." Common sense! But no, the park board is too busy worrying about "inclusive wellness spaces." So Darrell, a guy who actually works construction, suggests we put a simple sign: "Bench for Sitting, Not Stretching." And guess what? The Karens are now spinning it as "ableist" and "anti-physical therapy." I swear, if I see one more post about "yoga on the bench," I’m going to join Darrell’s protest next Saturday.