CONGRESSMAN TOM KEAN JR. CAUGHT IN SHOCKING UNDERGROUND BUNKER—HILL STAFFERS FLEE IN PANIC!
JUST IN—A source deep inside the Capitol has leaked footage that will BLOW YOUR MIND! Sources claim CONGRESSMAN TOM KEAN JR. was discovered in a SECRET, HIGH-TECH UNDERGROUND BUNKER last night, surrounded by stacks of REDACTED documents and a SINGLE LIGHT BULB flickering like a horror movie! Staffers reportedly SCRAMBLED into the hallways, screaming about “THE PROTOCOL” and “SOMETHING BURIED IN THE BASEMENT.” We are told the Congressman muttered “THEY’RE WATCHING” before being whisked away by shadowy figures. The question EVERYONE is asking: What was CONGRESSMAN TOM KEAN JR. HIDING—and who is “THEY”? Stay tuned!