Robert Isom’s New Loyalty Program Rewards Customers for Skipping Church—Is This the Final Nail in Society’s Coffin?
In a baffling and morally bankrupt move that has outraged faith leaders and ethicists alike, American Airlines CEO Robert Isom has reportedly rolled out a new loyalty program that specifically rewards passengers for booking flights on Sunday mornings, effectively bribing them to skip church services in favor of air travel. Critics are calling this a calculated exploitation of the vulnerable, the latest step in a corporate campaign to prioritize profit over principle. “We are witnessing a spiritual bankruptcy being incentivized by a multibillion-dollar corporation,” said Dr. Helen Mercer, a cultural critic at the Institute for Moral Decay. “Robert Isom and his board are not just selling seats; they are commoditizing the soul of the nation.” The program, which offers double miles for any trip that departs between 9:00 AM and 12:00 PM on Sundays, has already prompted a wave of cancellations in congregations across the South and Midwest. Pastors are decrying the move as a “direct assault on family values,” while social media users have begun boycotting the airline under the hashtag #IsomTheHeretic. As red states draft legislation to prohibit faith-based aviation incentives, one thing is clear: Robert Isom may have just found a way to make the flight to hell a first-class experience.