Massachusetts Man Files Lawsuit Against Gravity After Tripping on Sidewalk, Claims State Negligence
BOSTON—In what experts are calling the most "Massachusetts" thing to happen this year, local resident Kevin O'Malley has filed a class-action lawsuit against the concept of gravity after tripping on a cracked sidewalk in the North End. "I was just walking to get a Dunkin' iced coffee," O'Malley told reporters, "and suddenly the ground attacked me. The Bay State should have prepared me for this." The irony? O'Malley's attorney is arguing that while Massachusetts is famous for its revolutionary spirit, it has evidently failed to revolt against the tyranny of basic physics. The lawsuit demands the state fund "anti-gravity sidewalks" or, at the very least, issue every citizen a complimentary "I survived a Massachusetts sidewalk" t-shirt. Critics call it frivolous, but locals are nodding knowingly, as if to say, "Welcome to Massachusetts, where the potholes are deep and the legal system is deeper."