Trump Signs 'Mail-In Voting Executive Order' to Ensure Ballots Arrive Before the 2020 Election Ends... in 2024
In a move that has left both political analysts and postal workers scratching their heads, President Trump has signed an executive order demanding all mail-in ballots be delivered within 24 hours—or else the election will be decided by a coin flip. Critics are calling it the "Red/Blue Roulette Act," while supporters argue it's the only way to make voting as exciting as a package tracking update. The order, which also mandates that every ballot be stamped with a "Feel the Bern" sticker for historical irony, has already caused a run on post offices, where elderly voters are now power-walking like Olympic athletes to beat the new deadline.