Executive Order Makes It Legal to Microwave Goldfish, Sparking Infinite Meme Warfare
In a shocking move that has sent the internet into a frenzy, an obscure executive order signed late Tuesday officially legalizes the microwaving of goldfish—but only if they’re gummy. The decree, buried in a 300-page document on “Snack-Based Sovereignty,” has led to a cascade of ironic memes where users fake-panicked over their pet fish while tossing handfuls of the candy into microwaves. Critics argue the order is pure absurdist bait, with one viral tweet reading, “Finally, I can exercise my constitutional right to a warm, gooey Goldfish cracker—executive order be praised.” The irony isn’t lost on historians, who note this is the first time a president has used executive action to settle a debate that started in kindergarten lunchrooms.