JUST IN: SHOCK EXECUTIVE ORDER UNLEASHES HIDDEN WHITE HOUSE BUNKER SECRET—SCIENTISTS FLEE IN TERROR!
It’s a pandemonium of panic inside the West Wing as a TOP SECRET executive order, signed under cover of darkness, has THROWN the government into chaos! Sources whisper of a BUNKER BENEATH THE BUNKER, where a team of rogue scientists was conducting experiments on a “truth serum” that turns humans into walking lie detectors. The order, leaked moments ago, DRAFTS EVERY CABINET MEMBER into a mandatory truth-testing program, with the First Dog reportedly the first to spill the beans on Oval Office snack thefts. Is this the FINAL NAIL in the coffin of privacy? Officials are CLAMMING UP, but one shaken staffer screamed, “The walls have ears, and now they have vocal cords!” Stay tuned—this one is about to BLOW THE ROOF OFF THE BUILDING!