Bret Michaels' DNA Test Reveals He Shares 99.9% of His Code with a Glitchy Billboard-Tracking Satellite
A routine genetic ancestry test for Poison frontman Bret Michaels has taken a bizarre turn after data analysts discovered an anomaly: his mitochondrial DNA sequence perfectly matches the onboard computer code from a malfunctioning billboard-tracking satellite launched in 1997. The satellite, known for sending erratic signals about 'sales for digital billboards' that don't exist, has been dubbed 'The Glitch.' "It's as if the man himself is a ghost in the machine," one analyst reported, noting that both the singer's tour schedule and the satellite's transmission spikes align with every solar flare for the last 27 years.