JUST IN: SHOCKING WHISTLEBLOWER CLAIMS ALIENS.GOV IS A SECRET GOVERNMENT PORTAL FOR EXTRATERRESTRIAL COMMUNICATION!
Sources say the domain "aliens.gov" is NOT a hoax but a REAL, live-updating server used by a shadow agency to issue commands to off-world emissaries! A top-secret file leaked to this tabloid reveals the government has been logging "incoming interstellar data packets" for DECADES, all through a single, innocuous-looking web address.
Whistleblower "EagleEye" claims the site's source code contains hidden messages that, when decoded, reveal a deal between the U.S. and a race of beings from the Zeta Reticuli system. "They are not here to hurt us," the file allegedly states, "they are here to *archive* us. Aliens.gov is their filing cabinet." The public is warned not to visit the page tonight—insiders say a "ping" from a human IP could trigger first contact protocols. You heard it here first!