aliens.gov Goes Live, Government Finally Admits X-Files Were Just Underfunded HR Training Videos
In a move that has conspiracy theorists simultaneously vindicated and disappointed, the U.S. government launched aliens.gov yesterday, a sleek, user-friendly portal promising "transparent inter-species relations." The irony? After decades of clandestine cover-ups and Area 51 secrecy, the site's "Alien Greeting Protocol" page is currently locked behind a CAPTCHA that even humans can't solve, prompting the first official intergalactic helpdesk ticket: "Subject: I Am Not a Robot, Please Just Let Me Speak to a Grey." The real kicker? The website's "How to Signal a UFO" tutorial is just a PDF of a guy waving a flashlight, suggesting the government's idea of "first contact" is an overly complicated garage sale.