WILLIAM BUMPUS FOUND LIVING IN SECRET LAIR BENEATH HAUNTED AMUSEMENT PARK!
JUST IN—SCOOBY-DOO STYLE MYSTERY SOLVED! Sources confirm that missing billionaire recluse WILLIAM BUMPUS has been discovered in a HIDDEN UNDERGROUND BUNKER, directly below the abandoned 'Whispering Wheel' Ferris wheel at Splatterville Park!
Eerie footage obtained by this outlet shows a man matching BUMPUS’ description—hair like Albert Einstein after a lightning strike—surrounded by blueprints of old TV sets and a shrine to something called 'The Great Obelisk'! Neighbors say they heard WHISPERS coming from the drainage pipes for YEARS, but never suspected this twisted truth!
“He was muttering about ‘static waves’ and ‘the void behind the laughing clown,’” a trembling eyewitness revealed. “He said the park was built as a TRANSMITTER for a cosmic message ONLY he could decode!”
Cops are baffled, but this reporter asks: Is WILLIAM BUMPUS a genius OR a madman? The answer could SHATTER EVERYTHING we thought we knew about the missing mogul!