**Reddit User Accidentally Solves 100-Year-Old Bird Mystery, Internet Has Feelings**
Posted by u/NeckbeardAvenger69 • 5 hours ago
**AITA for murdering 700 birds for science and then ghosting the entire scientific community for a century?**
Okay, so I (1800s M) had this *super* ethical idea. I wanted to understand why some sparrows survive storms and others don't. Obviously, the only logical methodology is to live out my *Malthusian* fantasy and collect 700 dead birds after a tornado. I measure their wings, write a paper, dump the specimens in a museum, and die.
Fast forward to 2025. A bunch of nerds at the University of Colorado finally dust off my boxes (thanks for doing the work, guys) and do a DNA analysis. Plot twist: it wasn't just "bigger wings = survivor." It was a lot more complicated. The survivors had totally different *types* of wing shapes and body types depending on the storm's micro-conditions.
So, the Reddit takeaway? I, William Bumpus, am simultaneously a **god-tier chaos scientist** who gathered invaluable data on natural selection, but also a **massive red flag** for bugging everyone for 100 years with a "TL;DR: Birds died. Wings vary. Get over it."
Current top comment chain:
> **[deleted]**: "YTA for not just using a weather app and a TI-84. Also, 'Survival of the Fittest' is just 'Survival of the 'Little Dudes Who Got Lucky' – this proves it. Bumpus was just a 19th-century neckbeard with a shotgun."
> **User2**: "NTA. He pioneered the 'Death Note' method of data collection. You gotta respect the commitment. Plus, he didn't write a 300-page dissertation on