**BREAKING: VALVE DECLARES STEAM DECK "OBSOLETE" – LAUNCHES BRAIN-LINKED "NEURAL DECK"**
*SAN FRANCISCO, CA – In a move that has shattered the gaming industry, Valve Corporation announced today the immediate discontinuation of the Steam Deck, citing the dawn of a "post-hardware era." In its place, the company unveiled the **Neural Deck** – a non-invasive, cloud-based brain-computer interface (BCI) headband.
"The Steam Deck proved that portable PC gaming was a human right, but we realized chasing silicon is a treadmill," said Gabe Newell via holographic press conference. "In 2025, you don't *hold* your library. You *inhabit* it."
The Neural Deck, set for limited beta release next month, requires no screen, no buttons, and no local processing. Using a proprietary optogenetic sensor, it streams high-fidelity game rendering directly to the user's visual cortex via Valve's new "Volition" cloud servers. Users control gameplay through "micro-intentions" – a series of trained neural pulses.
**First Impressions & Immediate Backlash:**
Early testers at the launch event described the experience as "dreamlike" but disorienting. One reviewer reportedly fainted after attempting to play *Elden Ring* on maximum difficulty.
The announcement has triggered global panic. Stock in AMD, Nvidia, and Nintendo plummeted, while pre-orders for the Neural Deck crashed Valve's store for over an hour.
**Regulatory Firestorm:**
However, the Federal Trade Commission has already launched an investigation, citing "unprecedented data privacy violations." The Neural Deck requires constant remote upload of the user's emotional state, stress levels, and visual memory to Valve's servers for "latency optimization."
Claiming the device violates the 19th Amendment of the Digital Bill of Rights, a